Shaadi Mein Apni Baat Na Suni Jaane Ka Ehsaas Kyun Hota Hai?

– Quran aur Psychology se Taleemi Peghamat

Why Do We Feel Unheard in Marriage? – Communication Lessons from Quran & Psychology | Urdu

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Shaadi ke kuch lamhe aise hote hain jab aisa mehsoos hota hai ke… chahe jitni baar bhi hum apni baat samjhane ki koshish karein, saamne wala sunta hi nahi.

Hum apni baat baar baar dohrate hain. Kabhi ek hi masla phir se share karte hain. 

Kabhi aaraam se samjhate hain. Kabhi aawaaz tez ho jaati hai soch kar ke shayad ab baat samajh aa jaye. Ya kabhi hum chup ho jaate hain… apne hi ghar mein khud ko ghayab mehsoos karte hue. 

Lekin dil se, hum sirf yeh chahte hain ke koi hamein sune… hamari baat ki ahmiyat samjhe… hamein ahmiyat de. 

Lekin aisa hota kyun hai? Shaadi mein apni baat na suni jaane ka ehsaas kyun hota hai? 

Aur sab se zaroori baat… hum iska kya hal nikaal sakte hain? 

Aaj hum Quran, Sunnah aur psychology ke zariye is khamosh takleef ko samajhne ki koshish karenge… aur step by step communication ko behtar banane ke tareeqe dekhenge.

Shaadi Mein Apni Baat Na Suni Jaane Ka Ehsaas Kyun Hota Hai? 

Sirf yeh nahi ke humne kya kaha.
Masla aksar baat ke peechay chhupi feeling ka hota hai. 

Shayad humne kuch dino se sab kuch dil mein dabaa ke rakha hua hai. 

Shayad saamne wala busy hai, ya emotional tor par door lag raha hai. 

Ya ho sakta hai ke dono ne sunna chhod diya ho… ab sirf jawab dena hi maqsad ho. 

Zyada tar cases mein, yeh feeling sirf lafzon ka masla nahi hoti.
Yeh chah hoti hai ke hamare jazbaat samjhe jaayein.

Psychology mein isay “emotional invalidation” kaha jaata hai — jab kisi ke jazbaat ko nazarandaz ya halka samjha jaaye. Jab koi hamaari feelings ignore karta hai ya keh deta hai ke “yeh koi baat hai?”, toh dil band ho jaata hai. Aur agar yeh baar baar ho, toh frustration, doori, udaasi, aur kabhi kabhi khamosh ghussa ya narazgi ban jaati hai. 

Lekin yeh sab naya nahi hai. 

Allah Ta’ala ne humein pehle hi bata diya hai ke hum apni zubaan kaise istemaal karein:

“Aur logon se ache tareeqe se baat karo.” (Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:83)

Shaadi mein iska matlab hai ke hamari guftagu narmi aur mohabbat se ho — chahe baat mushkil ho. 

Ache alfaaz ka matlab sirf tameez nahi hota. 

Yeh hote hain alfaaz jo soch kar bole jaayein… jo yeh batayein ke hum parwah karte hain. 

Jab ache alfaaz nahi hote… toh woh sukoon aur mohabbat dheere dheere khatam hone lagti hai. 

Aur kisi ko samajhne ke liye pehle humein sun’na zaroori hai.

Sun’ne Ka Hidayat 

Allah Ta’ala farmate hain: 

“Toh khush khabri dedo Mere un bandon ko jo baat ko ghaur se sunte hain aur uske behtareen pehlu ki pairwi karte hain” (Surah Az-Zumar, 39:17-18)

Zara dekho iski khoobsurti.
Asal momin woh hote hain jo sirf sunte nahi, lekin soch kar behtareen jawab dete hain. 

Sun’na sirf ek skill nahi hai.
Yeh ibadat ka hissa hai.
Yeh ghar mein sukoon lane ka tareeqa hai.

Sunnat: Dil se Sunna 

Agar hum Nabi Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) ki zindagi dekhein, toh unho ne sun’nay ka behtareen tareeqa sikhaya. 

Jab log unse baat karte, toh aap (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) poori tawajju dete. Chahe woh sahabah ho, unki biwiyan ho, ya koi ajnabi. 

Aap interrupt (baat ko kaatte) nahi karte the. Jaldi nahi karte the. 

Zara sochiye agar hum yeh sunnat apni shaadi mein laayen.
Distractions band karo, phone side par rakho.
Ek dusre ka chehra dekho.
Sun’na sirf iss liye ke samajhna hai — na ke defend karna hai.

Agar Aap Ko Suna Nahi Jaata — Toh Kya Karein? 

Yeh takleef deh hota hai. Lekin agar aap yeh mehsoos kar rahi ho ke aapki baat nahi suni ja rahi, toh kuch chhote chhote qadam liye jaa sakte hain:

1. Apni feelings ko narmi se bayan karo. Ek calm aur respectful tareeqe se baat shuru karo. “I” statements se baat shuru karo.
“Tum kabhi nahi sunte” kehne ke bajaye, kuch aisa kaho ke: “Mujhe acha lagega agar aap thoda sun saken ke mein kya mehsoos kar rahi hoon.”
Is se saamne wale ko defend karne ki zarurat mehsoos nahi hoti.

2. Khaas waqt nikalo sirf baat karne ke liye. Na ke sirf phone scroll karte waqt ya khaana banaate waqt.
Din mein sirf 10 minute bhi agar sirf ek dusre ki baat sunne ke liye rakh lein, toh woh bhi farq daal sakta hai.

3. Yakeen rakho ke Allah hamesha sunta hai. Jab log sun’na chhod dete hain, Allah ek ek lafz sunta hai jo hum chupke se kehte hain.
Apna dard Allah ko batao. Du’a karo.
Us se dilon ko naram karne ki dua karo, apne dil ke liye bhi. 

Ibn Taymiyyah (rahimahullah) ke teachings hame sikhate hain ke dil ke sukoon ke liye Allah ki yaad sab se zaroori hai. Jab dil Allah se connected (juda hua) hota hai, toh shaadi ke challenges (mushkilon) ko sabr aur umeed se face (deal) karna aasaan hota hai.

Conclusion

Yeh sach hai ke apni baat na suni jaane ka ehsaas takleef deta hai. Lekin agar aap yeh mehsoos karti ho, toh akele nahi ho. Yeh aam masla hai, lekin hal bhi mumkin hai agar hum mehnat karein. Yeh mohabbat ka anjaam nahi — yeh signal hai ke rishte ko thoda care chahiye. 

Chhoti chhoti baaton se shuruaat karo.
Nabi (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) ke khoobsurat tareeqe ko follow karo.
Quran ka raasta aur psychology ki samajh le kar, dheere dheere us connection ko wapas paida karo jo tum chahti ho. 

Aur hamesha yaad rakho, sab se pehle sun’ne wala — Allah hai. Usi se rujoo karo. Jo tumhari dua ko sunta hai jab koi aur nahi sunta.

Allah hum sab ki shaadiyon mein sukoon, samajhdaari aur rahmat daale. Aameen.

Wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.