Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,

Kabhi aisa hua ke aapka shohar message ka reply na dein aur aapka dimagh bas chalta hi jaye?

Ya phir wo late ho jaayein aur call na karein… aur dil mein ek ghabrahat si hone lage?
Aur phir dimaagh mein har qisam ke khayalat aane lagein?

“Shayad wo kuch chhupa rahe hain?”
“Mujhe kyun hamesha lagta hai ke main kaafi nahi hoon?”
“Main is rishte mein relax kyun nahi mehsoos karti?”

Haan…
Yehi hota hai jab trust (bharosa) ka masla ho.
Aur agar aap abhi apna sar haan mein hila rahi ho…
Toh main bas ye kehna chahti hoon:
Aap akeli nahi ho.
Aur aap tooti hui nahi ho.

 

Trust issues kyun hota hai?

Chaliye sach baat karte hain.
Shak ya trust ka masla shadi mein aksar pehle ke zakhmon ki wajah se hota hai — jaise kisi ne jhoot bola ho, ya dil tod diya ho, ya aap emotionally safe mehsoos nahi karte ho.

Kabhi kabhi, ye sirf aapke shohar ki wajah se nahi hota; balke kuch aise jazbaat hote hain jo aap shadi se pehle se le kar chal rahi hoti ho.
Aur ye aapki ghalti nahi hai.

Lekin ab ye aapki zimmedari hai ke aap us healing ka rasta dhoondo, Allah ki madad se, aur sahi tools ke saath.

 

Ek Chhoti Si Kahani — Ghaur Se Sochiye

Sochiye ek aisi biwi ke baare mein jo har waqt apne shohar ki mohabbat pe shak karti hai.

Shohar “I love you” kehta hai, magar wo dil se nahi maanti.

Shohar dukaan se kuch lana bhool jaata hai, wo samajhti hai ke uski koi ahmiyat hi nahi.

Shohar frustrate hota hai.
Biwi udasi mehsoos karti hai.
Aur unka rishta… thak chuka hota hai.

Na ke mohabbat ki kami hoti hai,
Balki unhealed (jo heal na hue ho) jazbaat ya khauf ki wajah se.

Aapko bhi suna suna lag raha hai?

Ye aksar hota hai.
Magar iska hal hai — Hikmah, imaan, aur thodi si therapy ke zariye.

 

Step 1: Pehle Apne Aap Se Sacchai Se Poochiye

Ghussa ya shak hone se pehle, zara ruk ke poochiye:

“Ye mehsoos kyun ho raha hai?”

Kya ye aapke shohar ki kisi baat se ho raha hai?
Ya koi purani chot, purani yaad, ya insecurity jag gayi hai?

Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) ne farmaya:

“Hoshiyar ho jao! Jism mein ek gosht ka tukda hai, agar wo theek ho jaaye to poora jism theek ho jaata hai, aur agar wo bigad jaaye to poora jism bigad jaata hai — aur wo dil hai.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari 52, Sahih Muslim [4094] (1599), Sunan Ibn Majah 3984)

Toh agar dil mein ghabrahat, bechaini ya insecurity ho rahi hai, uss pe ghaur kariye.

Chhupayiye mat.
Doshi mat thehraiye.
Shifa dhoondhiye.

 

Step 2: Baat Kijiye, Ilzaam Nahi

Zara dhyan se suniye.

Jab aap apne shohar se baat karein, to ilzaam se baat shuru mat kariye jaise:

“Tumhe meri feelings ki koi parwa nahi!”
ya
“Tum kuch na kuch zaroor chhupa rahe ho!”

Aise lafz kisi ko bhi defensive bana dete hain.

Iski jagah aise kahiye:

“Main kuch insecure mehsoos kar rahi hoon. Ye aapki ghalti nahi hai. Mujhe sirf aapke kareeb mehsoos hona hai.”

Sirf ye ek jumla dil naram kar sakta hai.

Allah Quran mein farmata hai:

“Aur logon se ache andaaz mein baat karo.”
(Surah Al-Baqarah 2:83)

Dard mein bhi, narmi ka rasta chuniye.

 

Step 3: Bharosa 100% Ya 0% Nahi Hota

Bohot log sochte hain ke bharosa ya to poora hota hai ya bilkul nahi.
Lekin asal zindagi mein aisa nahi hota.

Bharosa dheere dheere hota hai, ek ek eent se, jaise ghar banta hai.

Maan lijiye ke aapke shohar ne kabhi aapka bharosa tod diya.
Aur ab aap darr rahi ho.

Ye darr theek (valid) hai.

Lekin sochiye, kya aap poori zindagi isi darr ke saath guzarna chahti ho?

Ya aap shifa chaahti ho, waqt ke saath, aur mazboot banna chahti ho ek saath?

Allah Quran mein farmata hai:

“Aur bhalayi aur burayi barabar nahi hoti. Burayi ko behtareen tareeqe se jawab do, phir wahi shaks jiske darmiyan dushmani thi, wo aisa ho jaayega jaise qareebi dost.”
(Surah Fussilat 41:34)

Kabhi kabhi, jab aap khamoshi se sabr karti ho to wo badlav le aata hai jo 100 behas bhi nahi la sakti.

Step 4: Imaan aur Therapy: Dono Saath Saath Chal Sakte Hain

Kuch log kehte hain: “Bas dua karo, therapy ki kya zarurat hai?”

Lekin sochiye, Sahabah (radiAllahu anhum) bhi mashwara lete the, amal karte the, aur dua bhi karte the.

Ek bohot khoobsurat dua Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) ki hai jab dil uljhan mein ho:

اللَّهُمَّ أَصْلِحْ لِي دِينِيَ الَّذِي هُوَ عِصْمَةُ أَمْرِي وَأَصْلِحْ لِي دُنْيَاىَ الَّتِي فِيهَا مَعَاشِي وَأَصْلِحْ لِي آخِرَتِي الَّتِي فِيهَا مَعَادِي وَاجْعَلِ الْحَيَاةَ زِيَادَةً لِي فِي كُلِّ خَيْرٍ وَاجْعَلِ الْمَوْتَ رَاحَةً لِي مِنْ كُلِّ شَرٍّ ‏

“Allahumma aslih li deenilladhi huwa ‘ismatu amri, wa aslih li dunyaayallati fihaa ma’aashi, wa aslih li aakhiratillati fihaa ma’aadi, waj’alil-hayaata ziyaadatalli fi kulli khairin, waj’alil-mawta raahatalli min kulli sharr.”

(Sahih Muslim [6903] (2720))

Tarjuma:
“Ya Allah! Mere deen ko sudhar de, jo mere kaamon ka madadgaar hai. Meri duniya ke maamlaat sudhar de jahan mera guzara hai. Meri aakhirat ko behtareen bana jahan mujhe lautna hai. Zindagi ko mere liye har achhai ka zariya bana de, aur maut ko har burai se nijaat ka sabab bana de.”

Therapy aapko samajhne mein madad deti hai ke aapke jazbaat kahan se aa rahe hain, aapka reaction kaisa hai, aur kaise usko behtar kiya jaaye.

Jaise gaadi kharab ho to mechanic ke paas jaate ho,
waise hi agar dil bhari bhari lagta hai to kisi samajhne waale se baat karni chahiye.

Aur haan, aisa therapist chuniye jo aapke imaani values samajhta ho. Jo healing mein deen bhi laaye (ho sake to).

 

Step 5: Insecurity aur Haqeeqat ko Alag Samajhiye

Ek aur baat. Agar aapka shohar waqai aapko takleef de raha hai — emotional, financial ya physical abuse.
To yeh shak (insecurity) nahi hai.
Ye zulm hai.

Aur Islam zulm ke khilaf khula khula khada hai.
Aise mein koi aapko ye na kahe ke “Sabr karo, bas dua karo.”  Nahi!
Aise waqt mein madad lo. Boundaries lagao. Samajhdar logon ko involve karo.
Apne aap ko bachana khudgarzi nahi hoti. Yeh toh Allah pe bharosa karne ka hissa hai.

 

Aakhri Baat: Aap Dobara Bharosa Kar Sakti Ho

Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) ne farmaya:

“Mazboot momin Allah ke nazdeek zyada behtar aur zyada pasandeeda hai kamzor momin se. Lekin dono mein khair hai.”
(Sahih Muslim [6774] (2664))

Hamare context mein, mazboot ka matlab loud nahi hota.
Mazboot ka matlab hota hai: Main stuck nahi rahungi. Main seekhungi. Main barhti rahungi.

Toh agar aap shak, insecurity ya trust issues se guzri ho…
Toh aaj se ek naya safar shuru karo.
Pehle Allah se baat karo.
Phir apne shohar se baat karo.
Aur zarurat ho to kisi ache therapist se baat karo.

Aapka nikah ek safe jagah dobara ban sakta hai.
Ek narmi bhara qadam le kar.
Ek dua ke saath.
Ek pyar bhari baahon ke saath.

Allah har us dil ko sukoon de jo dard mein hai. Aameen.

 

Main janti hoon, kabhi kabhi shaadi ka rasta mushkil ho jata hai… ghalat fehmiyaan, poori na hone wali umeedein, aur khamosh conflicts. 💔
Lekin kya aapko pata hai? Imaan aur psychology dono mil ke practical guidance dete hain jisse rishte aasaan aur khushgawar ban sakte hain. 🧠❤️
👉 Isi wajah se maine ek chhoti si guide likhi hai jiska naam hai “Ground Rules for a Healthy and Satisfying Relationship.”
👉 Yeh Quran, Sunnah, aur psychology par base hai — simple words mein likhi gayi hai, jise samajhna aur follow karna dono hi aasaan hai.
👉 Apna copy le lijiye. Link neeche book recommendations mein hai.
📚 Yeh kitaab filhal sirf English mein available hai.

Yeh aap khud ke liye le sakte hain, ya kisi aur ko tohfa bhi de sakte hain.

Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

 

 

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Book Recommendations

The Quran – English Meanings and Notes by Saheeh International

Ground Rules for a Healthy and Satisfying Relationship: An Integrated Faith-Based and Psychological Approach