Shadi Mein Jazbati Thakan: Ek Tarfa Mehnat Ki Haqeeqat
Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,
Kabhi aapne mehsoos kiya ke shaadi mein saari emotional zimmedaari aap hi uthaa rahi ho?
Jaise har baar aap hi ho jo check karti ho, jhagde sambhalti ho, choti choti cheezein yaad rakhti ho, tasalli deti ho, maaf karti ho — aur doosra shakhs sirf… jee raha hota hai, jaise kuch farz hi nahi?
Agar aapne aisa mehsoos kiya hai, to aap akeli nahi ho.
Aaj mein aap se dil se baat karna chahti hoon — kisi aalim ya therapist ki tarah nahi. Balki ek aisi behen ki tarah jo samajhti hai ke jab mohabbat ek tarfa lagne lage to kitna thakaa dene wala hota hai.
Chaliye baat karte hain emotional labor ke baare mein ke yeh kya hota hai, yeh kyun dukh deta hai, aur imaan, hikmat aur kuch practical steps ke zariye hum isse kaise heal kar sakte hain.
Emotional Labor Kya Hota Hai Shaadi Mein?
Emotional labor wo saari chhupi mehnat hoti hai jo aap ek rishte mein karte ho taake wo emotionally healthy rahe.
Yani, khayal rakhna. Unke bare mein puchna. Mood sambhalna. Jhagde se bachne ke liye pehle se hi bohot sochna.
Jab aap ghar ki emotional manager ban jaati ho — aur ye zimmedari aksar barabar nahi baanti jaati.
Misal ke taur par…
Aap apne shohar ko unke kharab din ke baad tasalli deti ho,
lekin jab aap upset hoti ho, to aapse umeed kiya jaata hai ke aap “isse bahar niklo” (to just “get over it”).
Aap unke ghar walon ke events yaad rakhti ho,
lekin wo aapke events bhool jaate hain jab tak yaad na dilaya jaye baar baar.
Aap hi ho jo pehle maafi maangti ho, pehle maaf karti ho, pehle mushkil baatein shuru karti ho… baar baar.
Aisa lagta hai ke yeh relatable ya familiar hai?
Waqt ke saath, yeh imbalance sirf na-insaafi nahi lagta — ye thaka deta hai.
Dil se mohabbat nikal jaati hai, aur aapko jazbati tanhaayi mehsoos hone lagti hai, chahe aap dono ek hi ghar mein kyun na ho.
Islam Jazbati Zaroorat Ko Nazar Andaz Nahi Karta
Suno, Islam aap se yeh ummeed nahi rakhta ke aap akele mohabbat ki zimmedari uthao.
Hamara deen hamein sikhata hai — dono taraf se khayal, dono taraf se reham, dono taraf se samajh honi chahiye.
Allah Quran mein farmata hai:
“Aur Uski nishaniyon mein se hai ke Usne tumhaare liye tum mein se hi jode banaye taake tum unmein sukoon pao, aur Usne tum dono ke darmiyan mohabbat aur rehamat daali.”
[Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21]
Ghaur karo, Allah ne kaha “sukoon unmein” — sirf aap se nahi, sirf unke liye nahi.
Yeh rishta dono taraf se hona chahiye.
Rasoolullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) ne bhi yeh balance amal mein dikhaya.
Woh sunte the. Tasalli dete the. Apni biwiyon ki tareef karte the.
Woh emotionally door nahi the, woh maujood the. Naram mizaj ke the.
Aisha (radiAllahu anha) ne bataya:
“Rasoolullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) ne kabhi kisi aurat ko ya naukar ko haath se nahi maara…”
[Sahih Muslim 2328]
Unhone kabhi kisi ko emotional tor pe takleef de kar control nahi kiya — chahe wo khud takleef mein ho.
To agar aap akeli emotional mehnat kar rahi ho to samajh lo, yeh sunnat ka tareeqa nahi hai.
Aisa nahi hona chahiye.
Yeh Sab Kyun Hota Hai?
Bahut si wajah ho sakti hain ke emotional mehnat sirf ek tarfa ho jaaye:
- Tarbiyat: Kuch logon ko kabhi emotional samajh ya izhar sikhaya hi nahi gaya.
- Jinsi kirdaar (Gender roles): Aksar yeh samjha jaata hai ke sirf ek partner ko nurturing role lena chahiye.
- Guftagu ki kami: Aap se to ummeed hoti hai ke aap samjho ke unhe kya chahiye, lekin aapki zarooratein? Aksar nazar-andaz hoti hain.
- Tal-matol (Avoidance): Kuch azwaaj (spouses) jazbaati takraar se nipatne (deal with) ke bajaye khud ko band kar lete hain ya chup ho jaate hain.
Lekin sabse mushkil baat yeh hai:
Aap kisi cheez ko theek nahi kar sakti jab tak aapka partner maane hi nahi ke kuch ghalat hai.
Aur dard bhi yahin hota hai — jab aap connection chah rahi ho,
aur wo shakhs ya to blame karta hai, ya ignore karta hai, ya inkaar.
To Ab Kya Karein?
Chalo pehle ruk kar saans lein.
Aap yahan is liye nahi ho ke aap fail ho gayi ho.
Aap yahan ho kyunke aapko farq padta hai.
Aap apna hissa nibhana chahti ho, lekin aap yeh bhi chahti ho ke koi aapko emotional tor pe dekhe, samjhe, aur mohabbat kare, sirf bardasht na kare.
Chaliye isko kuch aasaan, imaan wali aur hikmat bhari steps mein todte hain:
1. Naam do — ilzaam ke baghair
Kaho:
“Mujhe lag raha hai ke mein emotional tor pe kaafi thak gayi hoon. Shayad mein zyada chhupi mehnat kar rahi hoon, aur mein chahungi ke hum dono yeh zimmedaari share karein.”
Yeh baat darwaza kholti hai, deewar nahi banati.
2. Dua karo, lekin amal bhi karo
Dil se Allah se maango, Ikhlaas (sincerity) se maango.
Dil naram karne wali sabse pyaari dua yeh hai:
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَٰجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّـٰتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍۢ وَٱجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا
“Rabbana hab lana min azwajina wa dhurriyyatina qurrata a’yun, waj’alna lil muttaqina imama.”
Yani: “Ya Allah, humein hamare jodon aur aulaad se aankhon ki thandak ata farma, aur humein muttaqi logon ka imam bana.”
[Surah Al-Furqan, 25:74]
Lekin dua ke saath ache se communicate karna bhi seekho — pyar se, lekin saaf tareeke se.
Allah aapko kabhi na khatam hone wali, endless sacrifice ka bojh lene ka hukm nahi deta.
3. Kabhi kabhi thoda peeche hatna bhi zaroori hota hai
Kabhi kabhi jab hum zyada mehnat karti hain, to imbalance aur badh jaata hai.
Thoda space do. Apne partner ko mehsoos karne do ke jab aap sab kuch manage nahi karti, to kya kami lagti hai.
Yeh silent treatment nahi hai — yeh ek narm (gentle) tareeke ka reset hai.
Yani: “Main aap par bhi bharosa karti hoon ke aap bhi apna hissa nibhaoge.”
4. Madad lo — Deen aur Therapy dono se
Rasoolullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) ne mashwara karne ko badhawa diya.
Shaadi mein bhi, jab baat atak jaaye to madad lena bilkul bhi sharam ki baat nahi.
Ek ache Islamic therapist aap dono ko samajhne aur emotional roles dobara seekhne mein madad de sakte hain.
Aakhri Baat: Aap Emotional Sukoon Deserve Karti Ho
Suno, strong hone ka matlab yeh nahi ke chup reh kar sab bardasht karte raho.
Aapko is liye nahi banaya gaya ke aap do logon ka emotional bojh uthao.
Haan, sabr khoobsurat hota hai, lekin self-respect bhi zaroori hai.
Haan, qurbani acchi hoti hai, lekin jab wo khamosh narazgi mein badal jaye, to nahi.
Rasoolullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) ne farmaya:
“Tum mein se koi bhi us waqt tak poora momin nahi hota jab tak wo apne bhai ke liye bhi wahi na chahe jo khud ke liye chahta hai.”
[Sahih al-Bukhari 13, Sahih Muslim 45]
Yeh shaadi mein bhi laagu (applicable) hota hai.
Aapka shohar bhi aapke liye sukoon, khayal aur emotional aman chahe, jaise aap unke liye chahti ho.
To agar aap emotionally thak chuki ho…
Sirf survive mat karo, madad lo. Boundaries set karo. Growth ka invitation do. Aur imaan ke nazariye se phir se judne ki koshish karo.
Aur waise, aapki itlaa (information) ke liye, yeh sirf ek gender par laagu (apply) nahi hota. Yeh donon (both) saathiyon ke liye hai.
Aur kabhi na bhoolna — Allah har aansu, har koshish, aur har wo khamosh dua ko jaanta hai jo aapne ki hoti hai.
Allah aapki emotional mehnat ka ajar de,
aur aapke dil ko asal sukoon se bhar de.
Main janti hoon, kabhi kabhi shaadi ka rasta mushkil ho jata hai… ghalat fehmiyaan, poori na hone wali umeedein, aur khamosh conflicts. 💔
Lekin kya aapko pata hai? Imaan aur psychology dono mil ke practical guidance dete hain jisse rishte aasaan aur khushgawar ban sakte hain. 🧠❤️
👉 Isi wajah se maine ek chhoti si guide likhi hai jiska naam hai “Ground Rules for a Healthy and Satisfying Relationship.”
👉 Yeh Quran, Sunnah, aur psychology par base hai — simple words mein likhi gayi hai, jise samajhna aur follow karna dono hi aasaan hai.
👉 Apna copy le lijiye. Link neeche book recommendations mein hai.
📚 Yeh kitaab filhal sirf English mein available hai.
Yeh aap khud ke liye le sakte hain, ya kisi aur ko tohfa bhi de sakte hain.
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.
Book Recommendations
The Quran – English Meanings and Notes by Saheeh International