Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

Have you ever found yourself overthinking after your spouse didn’t reply to a message?

Or maybe you’ve felt a knot in your chest when they were late and didn’t call… and suddenly, your mind started spinning all sorts of stories?

“What if they’re hiding something?”
“Why do I always feel like I’m not enough?”
“Why can’t I just relax in this relationship?”

Yeah…
That’s what trust issues feel like.
And if you’re nodding your head right now, I just want you to know:
You’re not alone.
And you’re not broken.

Why Do Trust Issues Happen?

Let’s keep it real.
Trust issues in marriage can come from past trauma, being lied to before, insecurity, or not feeling safe emotionally.
Sometimes, it’s not even something your spouse did; it could be something you’re carrying from before marriage.
And that’s not your fault.

But here’s the truth: it’s now your responsibility to heal it, with the help of Allah and the right tools.

A Small Story to Think About

Imagine a woman who always questions her husband’s love.
Even when he says, “I love you,” she doubts it.
When he forgets to bring something from the shop, she takes it as proof that he doesn’t care.

He feels frustrated.
She feels unseen.
And the marriage becomes… tiring.
Not because of lack of love,
but because of unhealed fears.

Sound familiar?

This happens so often.
But there’s a way to break this cycle with Hikmah (wisdom), faith, and a little bit of therapy.

Step 1: Be Honest With Yourself First

Before pointing fingers, pause and ask:
“Where is this feeling coming from?”
Is it coming from something your spouse actually did?
Or from a wound that’s been there for years?

Rasulullah (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) said:

“Beware! In the body there is a piece of flesh which, if it becomes good (reformed), the whole body becomes good; but if it becomes corrupt, the whole body becomes corrupt and that (piece of flesh) is the heart.”
(Sahih al-Bukhari 52, Sahih Muslim [4094] (1599), Sunan Ibn Majah 3984)

So if your heart feels heavy, insecure, or anxious, pay attention.
It’s a sign something needs healing.
Not hiding.
Not blaming.
Healing.

Step 2: Talk About It, Not Attack

Now listen carefully.
When you do talk to your spouse, don’t start with accusations like
“You never care about my feelings!”
or
“You’re always hiding something!”

That puts anyone on defense.

Try this instead:
“I’m feeling a little insecure lately. It’s not your fault. I just want to feel closer to you.”

That one line can soften hearts.

Allah reminds us in the Quran:

“And speak to people good [words].”
(Surah Al-Baqarah 2:83)

Even in pain, choose softness.

Step 3: Trust Isn’t All-or-Nothing

Some people think trust is either 100% or 0%.
But that’s not how real life works.
Trust is built gradually, like a home, one brick at a time.

Let’s say your spouse broke your trust once.
And now you’re scared.
That’s valid.

But do you want to live your whole life in fear?
Or do you want to heal with time and grow stronger together?

Allah says:

“And not equal are the good deed and the bad deed. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and thereupon, the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a devoted friend.”
(Surah Fussilat 41:34)

Sometimes, you being calm even when you’re scared creates change more than a hundred arguments.

Step 4: Faith and Therapy: Both Can Coexist

Some people say, “Just make dua, why do you need therapy?”

But here’s the thing:
Even the Sahabah (may Allah be pleased with them) consulted, asked for advice, and acted while making dua.

There’s a beautiful dua from the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) that shows us what to do when we feel stuck:

اللَّهُمَّ أَصْلِحْ لِي دِينِيَ الَّذِي هُوَ عِصْمَةُ أَمْرِي وَأَصْلِحْ لِي دُنْيَاىَ الَّتِي فِيهَا مَعَاشِي وَأَصْلِحْ لِي آخِرَتِي الَّتِي فِيهَا مَعَادِي وَاجْعَلِ الْحَيَاةَ زِيَادَةً لِي فِي كُلِّ خَيْرٍ وَاجْعَلِ الْمَوْتَ رَاحَةً لِي مِنْ كُلِّ شَرٍّ ‏

“Allahumma aslih li deenilladhi huwa ‘ismatu amri, wa aslih li dunyaayallati fihaa ma’aashi, wa aslih li aakhiratillati fihaa ma’aadi, waj’alil-hayaata ziyaadatalli fi kulli khairin, waj’alil-mawta raahatalli min kulli sharr.”

“O Allah, set right for me my religion which is the safeguard of my affairs. And set right for me the affairs of my world wherein is my living. And set right for me my Hereafter on which depends my after-life. And make this life for me (a source) of abundance for every good and make my death a source of comfort for me protecting me against every evil.”
(Sahih Muslim [6903] (2720))

Or another translation: 

O Allah, set right for me my religious commitment, which is the safeguard of my affairs. Set right for me my worldly affairs in which is my living. Set right for me my Hereafter in which will be my final abode. Make this life a means of increase in all that is good, and make death a relief for me from all evil.
(Sahih Muslim)

Therapy helps you understand your emotions, your triggers, and how to respond, not react.

If your car breaks down, you go to a mechanic.
If your heart feels heavy, why not talk to someone who can help?
And yes, choose someone who understands your values. Someone who brings Islam into healing if possible.

Step 5: Let’s Not Confuse Insecurity with Reality

One more thing. If your spouse is truly harming you emotionally, financially, physically, that’s a whole other situation.
That’s not insecurity.
That’s injustice.

And Islam stands firmly against abuse.
Please don’t let anyone tell you that you “just need to have sabr (patience/ endurance)” in that case.
Seek help. Set boundaries. Involve wise people.
Because protecting yourself is not selfish; it’s part of trusting Allah.

Last Words: You Can Rebuild

Let me leave you with this.

The Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wasallam) once said:

“The strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than the weak believer, while there is good in both.”
(Sahih Muslim [6774] (2664))

In our context, strong doesn’t mean loud.
Strong means: I’m choosing to grow instead of staying stuck.

So if you have trust issues…
Start the journey today.
Talk to Allah first.
Then talk to your spouse.
And if needed, talk to a therapist.

Your marriage can become a place of safety again.
One soft step at a time.
One dua at a time.
One hug at a time.

May Allah bring peace to every heart that’s hurting. Aameen.

I know marriage can get tough sometimes…
misunderstandings, unmet expectations, silent conflicts. 💔
But did you know that both faith and psychology offer practical guidance to make relationships easier and more fulfilling? 🧠❤️
👉 That’s why I wrote a short and simple guide called “Ground Rules for a Healthy and Satisfying Relationship.”
👉 It’s based on Quran, Sunnah, and practical psychology — easy to understand, easy to apply.
You can get your copy now. 📖

Wassalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.

Book Recommendations

The Quran – English Meanings and Notes by Saheeh International

Ground Rules for a Healthy and Satisfying Relationship: An Integrated Faith-Based and Psychological Approach